Candy = decor

Displaying out-of-season candy anywhere within the home is a considerable mistake in the domestic world.

Candy wrappers with purple, pink, and pastel hues are great for the early spring and Easter holiday weekend, but after April, toss them out.

Halloween candy is touchier, since the wrappers are generally of normal coloring, but it's generally tacky to have bowls of Halloween candy out past Thanksgiving. Make sure to take out all the mystery candies (smushed amorphous globs wrapped in orange paper, etc.) that the geriatrics tend to hand out, too. No one wants to eat anything they can't identify.

Christmas candy, particularly wrapped in festive golds, greens and reds, should be tossed promptly after New Years Day celebrations, or at least wrapped up and relegated to the pantry.

Unwrapped candy, such as M&Ms, have a much shorter shelf life than wrapped candies and should be changed/replaced every week.

When in doubt, stick with peppermints, as their shelf life is practically eternal, and they're always in demand.

Career Builder

While browsing CareerBuilder.com tonight, I was accosted by a blinking ad of sorts on the side the page. Now, customarily, this advertisement space on CareerBuilder is occupied by online degree information, ESL classes, job postings, or legal recruitment centers. But this time, it was different.




Random advertisement? Or egregious profiling? Again, I stress:




Congratulations, fellow job seekers. We're now one of the target demographics for World of Warcraft. Just when we thought our morale couldn't possibly get any lower...

Reading People Magazine is Important

So...

If you've kept abreast of the tabloids like Teri has, you'd know that the Obamas have finally decided on a dog. This factoid takes precedence over pirate hostage crises, earthquakes, and Sri Lankan truce talks.

Why? Because puppies are cute and hostage situations aren't.

And, if you've been reading closely, you'd know that the Portuguese Water Dog not only fits Obama's hypoallergenic standard, but also bears an appearance eerily similar to that of the late Rick James.



Coincidence? Or mass socialist conspiracy?

A Winter-Long Hiatus

Remember the apple crisp a la mode we introduced back in October? Stop eating it. It's spring, and bathing suit season will soon be leering at you in the dressing room mirror (and hopefully not at Lane Bryant).

The slovenly, fresh-out-of-the-cave look is no longer permissible. If you have that jaundiced, sickly pallor to you, try getting out in the sun. World of Warcraft and re-runs of Battlestar Gallactica will still be there when you return. We promise.

Between trips to the spa and grueling spin classes, Teri TiVos.

This allots her a bountiful, productive day without compromising her shows. We suggest you do the same, both for the sake of your fitness as well as your social life. This way, you can't conjure up lame-ass excuses as to why you're not working out and getting things done.